This also makes me laugh

Who knew that it would take so little work to give a new theme to an iconic comic strip?



--Ryan

Grammatical ambiguities make me laugh

This week, it seems as though you can divide everybody's thoughts up into one of three categories.

1) "I can't believe all these leftovers we've got!"
2) "SHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOP!"
3) "Wait, is Pakistan on our side?"

I, on the other hand - having no leftovers, no appetite to shop, and a relatively strong grasp of world affairs (at least, the ones our media deem important), prefer to take solace in the world of amusing grammatical errors.

For example, this headline - "Worms infect more poor Americans than thought". While it is true that, anecdotally, I'm sure there are many Americans - not necessarily poor - who are not infected by thought, I don't think worms have already surpassed thought in the average American.

--Ryan

(I wasn't planning on blogging, but I couldn't let that go by without comment.)

2K8

Notice my title is one character shorter then the expected minimum number of characters to express the topic. I like to think in those terms, 'cause in the nineties, abbreviations were the wave of the future. Now it is the future, and we don't need to save space in hex Unicode characters or whatever; external hard drives are only fifty cents per gig! But it's not futuristic if it isn't shorter then necessary!


First off, may I be the first to say Happy New Year 2008! (I may very well be the first to say it... I am, after all, nearly a week early.

I'll keep this brief. Here's my New Year's Resolutions:

1. Every day, I will go out of my way to do at least one thing that makes me physically stronger.
2. Every day, I will learn something that makes me mentally and morally stronger.
3. Every week, I will have something creative constructed to show for my efforts throughout that week.
4. Every month, I will eat something I believe to be allergic to - just to see if I really am or not.
   

Sound good? Maybe I'll specify some clearer guidlines. (For example, I must go out of my way to be physically stronger. i.e., I must do something I otherwise would not have done!)

Well, we'll see how this plays out.

I can only expect, awesomely?

--
Dan

Three random thoughts; see how they run

1) The gift-giving aspect of Christmas was very good to me this year (the religious aspect loses a little bit of power when you're stuck in a room next to the chapel, listening to the service over a PA system). In addition a few good books and a ridiculous amount of boxer shorts (on the plus side, I can probably put off laundry another week) I was given the board game Apples to Apples (pictured on the right).

I asked for the game solely because I remember playing it once in high school, and really liking it. The mechanics are fairly straightforward - the cards in your hands each contain different nouns, you pick one to go with a given adjective, the dealer picks the one of those they like best, that player keeps the adjective card, your goal is to get as many of those as possible. It's a great party game, and I've already learned that it transcends generational boundaries (having played this with people anywhere from pre-teen to mid-forties).

2) The...well, whoever it is that makes these decisions, have chosen this year's Super Bowl halftime act - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. I really, really, like this choice - mainly because I really, really, like Tom Petty's music. I read a comment from somebody that "everybody likes at least one Tom Petty song...they just don't always realize it's his." While that's obviously an overexaggeration, it's probably not too far off the truth. I now have a reason to watch the Super Bowl.

3) Since I added a hit counter to the page, we've gotten exactly 300 hits. I find this astounding, especially considering that I keep explicitly telling people *not* to read this. However, because it's 300, I think I'm supposed to say something along the lines of "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAA?" or one of the other quotes from the movie 300 that populated the Internet when the movie first came out? Apologies for not having a better grasp of this joke, I haven't seen a real movie in a theatre in over a year.

--Ryan

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

As I'm busy with Christmas-related events, and Dan is busy with whatever it is he does, this blog hasn't been updated in nearly a week. I've got a couple ideas for things I'd like to put up, but there's no guarantees I'll have the time until at least mid-week.

So until then, accept this placeholder and have a merry Christmas.

--Ryan

What's your sense of humour?

I don't usually pay much attention to online quizzes, but this one seems to actually work.

The 3-Variable Funny Test - it asks you a bunch of questions about what you find funny, and then gives you some results. Here's mine, if you're interested...

Your Score: the Prankster(33% dark, 34% spontaneous, 10% vulgar)


your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT


Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You're not pretentious, but you're not into what some would call 'low humor' either. You'll laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something clever to something moist.

You probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it's highly likely you've tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways, yours is the most entertaining type of humor because it's smart without being mean-spirited.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O'Brian - Ashton Kutcher

Nice time-waster for the post-exam period, anyhow.

--Ryan

You've blown it again, dumb-dumb!

Well, I tried my hand at comic-tearing again. Unfortunately, my comic came out in tears.

I've tried stick-men before, but never have I scanned them in. In the end, it just ended up too busy. Judge for yourself:



The only thing good about this comic is the joke... Yep, I'm damned proud of the humour in that.

(Ryan came up with it.)


--
Dan

Have berries, will travel

I wasn't planning on blogging today, but I didn't want to forget about that oh-so-awesome play on words you see in the title.

You may have never heard of the Travelling Wilburys as a group, but you've certainly heard of their members. From left to right, George Harrison (he was a Beatle, you know), Jeff Lynne (lead singer/songwriter of Electric Light Orchestra), Tom Petty (without the Heartbreakers), Roy Orbison ('Pretty Woman', 'Only the Lonely', and a lot of stuff that wasn't so commercially successful), and Bob Dylan (if you've ever heard music where the singer can't sing, it was probably him).

The story behind the Wilburys' formation - at least, the story I've heard - is that these five recording artists were sitting around, brainstorming a new song for Harrison. Harrison spied some boxes marked 'handle with care', and came up with the lyrics 'been beat up and battered around'. As everybody else contributed lines, they quickly realized this was too good for its intended purpose, and formed a band around it. (Youtube of 'Handle With Care' here).

Roy Orbison passed away while work was still being done on The Travelling Wilburys Volume 1, his part in the music video for End of the Line was taken by a rocking chair and a guitar.

Two years later, in 1990, the surviving four Wilburys reunited and released another album - The Travelling Wilburys Volume 3 (no, that's not a typo). Although Volume 3 didn't have any hits on the level of Volume 1, there were still solid tracks such as She's My Baby and Wilbury Twist.

So yeah, good band that for some reason, a lot of people have never heard of. What I like about them is that they were all already rich by this point...they were just making music for the fun of it.

--Ryan

My Dialog Box is Too Small

So I've been going through and reading the alternate texts behind every xkcd and Doctor McNinja. (Don't ask why; just assume it's an obsessive-compulsive thing.) Eventually, I decided it was a nuisance to have to stretch out the Element Properties dialog box, and went to Google for help.

It told me about Stylish (for firefox), that allows scripts for such matters. I made the default Element Properties box wider with this script (as copied from lifehacker.com):

@namespace url(http://www.mozilla.org/keymaster/gatekeeper/there.is.only.xul);
window#metadata { width: 60em !important; }

So, problem solved. If one other person in the world ever thinks it's worth searching for a solution (and in all likelihood, I doubt it), then you're welcome!

--
Dan Phillips

Nursery rhymes, to the best of my understanding

There was an only lady who lived in a shoe.
I don't know why she lived in a shoe.
Perhaps you do?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Humpty Dumpty wasn't very humpty, was he?

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to be.

--Ryan

My Artistic Ability

I've never been able to draw. These past two days, I've proven that quite well I think. Instead of working on strips of comics, I've been drawing single images of whatever pops in my head. What with my head being so empty more often than not, this leaves for something to be desired.

Ryan forces a few laughs for my benefit... But most of my images turn out slightly profane. For example, you can imagine what would be pictured with a caption of "I can't be a zombie... Zombie's don't get erections!"

One of the earlier ones, which I still kind of like, is a picture of me and my lady-friend. Scribbled all around us are little notes about how I screwed up drawing her. (It's absolutely atrocious!) The picture is poor, but those notes... I love 'em!

And so I've moved on to pictures of meerkats that turned out looking like alligators. Then the word 'alligator' is stricken out and replaced with 'crocodile' with a brief explanation about the differences between them. And, as an afterthought, about what characteristics separate meerkats and crocodiles.

While I'm at it, I should mention that I started writing my book. Perhaps I'll tell some details later, but in the mean time it's on the D.L.

--
Dan Phillips

What's in a meal?

(I'm back! And if you can't tell from this post, I'm still very much in the essay-writing mindset!)

A question which has posed itself...well, twice since Friday, still more than usual. What exactly is the difference between breakfast and brunch?

The first point here, at least the first to come to my mind, is time of day. If it's nine AM, it's breakfast - even if you're eating bacon and eggs. I would ordinarily say brunch can't start until 11:00 AM, but I can push it back to 10:00 AM if I'm in a charitable mood.

Of course, brunch isn't just based on time of day - if you're eating a bowl of cereal at noon (a traditional brunch time), it's still breakfast. 'Brunch' implies that you are getting a full meal, and while a bowl of cereal might be able to fill you (as it does me) enough for both breakfast and lunch, it doesn't really count. Brunch is something special, something out of the ordinary.

Can brunch be had in the confines of your own home? Absolutely! However, I believe that the standards for brunch are higher at home than at a restaurant - while you can go to a restaurant at 11:30, and just about anything on their menu (at least anything that isn't listed under 'on the side' or a similar category) qualifies as brunch, some dishes ('two eggs and toast') would, if eaten at home, be no more than a big breakfast.

This leads me to yet another (NB: see? essay-writing mindest!) major difference between breakfast and brunch. With a breakfast, you are expected to eat everything on your plate/in your bowl, and to not say anything along the lines of "wow, that was a lot of food!". Breakfast is enough to get your day off to a good start, and quench your hunger, but not enough that you won't be able to eat lunch in a couple of hours. Brunch is more sinister, it has no such qualms about tempting you with foodstuff after foodstuff, until you realize that you probably won't be able to eat another bite until dinner - and even then, it better not be a big dinner.

For some reason, people don't seem to have the same problem differentiating between brunch and lunch. Whatever the difference is, we seem to have an innate understanding of it. The only theory I've been able to come up with is the food - if it somehow involves eggs, syrup, or a member of the "pancakes/waffles/crepes" trinity...it's brunch. Otherwise, it's lunch.

But that's just what I think. So tell me - am I wrong? Can there be some circumstance in which a bowl of cereal, eaten at 9 AM, qualifies as brunch? Have I overlooked some criteria? Over-emphasized another? Am I completely out to lunch of the difference between brunch and lunch? What will become of Jack's shocking revelation? Will Bill finally win Sally over once and for all? And what of Marlene's drinking problem - will Derek spill the beans?

--Ryan

My Weekend

Here's my computer's status, as of the past two days:

Day One (Morning)

• After accidentally bidding on a MacBook, I gave it some thought and decided my computer is in excellent working condition; it's simply not portable, but I can easily live at my desk.
• I was quickly outbid, and dropped the idea of a new computer

Day One (Evening)

• My computer was acting sluggish from days of use without a restart. When it finally crashed, I held down the power button and went to bed.

Day Two (Morning)

• I try booting up my computer. It simply refuses to work. Since I don't need anything too bothersome on it, I try booting Knoppix (Linux on CD). This doesn't work either. I give up and go to class.

Day Two (Evening)

• I boot my computer and leave the room, forgetting that it will not actually boot. After some time, it came up with the message that a critical Windows kernal file was corrupt.
  
• Since it's a Window's kernal file that stopped my computer from operating, I thought to myself, why wouldn't Knoppix work? I try some twenty times or so, and at one point somewhere in the middle it works. Crashes. And doesn't work again.
• I try to make a DOS boot disc. At this point, I imagine the HHGG game with Dice replacing tea.
  USER: Put down Dice
  >>>: You pick up NO DICE!

Day Two (Night)

• Alright, I decide. It's time to reformat. It's pretty obvious I can't recover drive C:, but I'll be damned if I lose season thirteen of Doctor Who off of my D drive!
• I insert an ACER Recovery disc. It ejects itself.
• I insert another ACER Recovery disc. It ejects itself.
• I try every disc I own. As it would turn out, only ACER brand discs are rejected. Well, shit.
  
• I try Knoppix again. It works! Of course, it crashes soon thereafter, but every time I boot it from this point on it works. I get my roommate to download the newest version in hopes that it would work with my wireless card.
• I mindlessly decide, while reading a book, to flick the recovery CD in my drive every time it shoots it back out. In the back of my head, this ping-pong game goes on for about ten minutes. Ping. Pong. Ping. Pong. Ping. Pong. Ping. flick flick.... Wait... where's Pong?
• I look under my desk, thinking I lost the CD. Then I realize that it is in the drive, and hit eject to confirm. Oops!
• After a good deal of time flicking in ACER CDs, my computer is reformatted. I go to bed.

Day Three (Morning)

• My roommate wakes me with the new Knoppix CD. I tell him I hope I don't need it, but I'd like it anyway. Thanks!
• I start my computer and begin the long process of putting software on it. Corrupt files and incomplete packets, left right and center! It crashes in a way I've never seen before: The screen turns bright and nothing works.
• One of the main errors is some files on drive D:, so I decide to delete everything off of there. I just lost everything else, why not that?
• Shit. There goes Doctor Who!
• I install Firefox and Google Talk and try to get those stupid Live Updates from Microsoft. It crashes halfway through Live Updates.
• I restart a bunch of times 'till it finally comes up. I cannot get Microsoft Updates of any sort now. Corrupt errors bombard my screen, including one about Google Talk, but it's still working so whatever.
• Computer crashes again. Screw this, I'm going to eat!

Day Three (Afternoon)

• Crash after crash, I get fed up and try the new Knoppix. Not recognized as a boot disc. I probably did something wrong, but that sucks. Oh well, back to a half working Windows.
• It seems to only crash when I leave it idle for (literally) thirty seconds. What if I play some music? The WMP9.0 is a jerk for a while, but eventually it plays the Sample Beethoven that comes on XP by default. I set that to loop.
• Eventually, that got old. I successfully switch to a mix albums DVD I burnt a few weeks ago of all the music I find overplayed. Not much better. Whatever.

Day Three (Evening)

• What happened on Day One again? Ah, yes: I "decided my computer is in excellent working condition"
• Screw it, I'm getting that Mac.
  

There!

It took some six to eight months to get around to it, but I've picked my courses.

Just thought I'd share that.

Damnit.

Fear and Loathing at McDonald's

I guess Ryan will be on hiatus for a bit, so bad news folks: you're stuck with me! (Ah, ha ha ha!)

So, for no other reason than to entertain you, dear reader, I thought I'd tell you one of my little annoying stories that I tell to make conversation. Perhaps I should be using this type of thing in my futile attempt to make a comic. But anyway...

So I was at McDonald's for a quick bite. I'm a cheap guy, so I never order any fancy custom sandwich deal-meal or what-have-you, and I just wanted to order a burger. Apparently this doesn't happen often. The conversation went like this:

McD's Guy: How can I help you today?
Me: I could go for a burger!
McD's Guy: No meal today, sir?
Me: No thanks. How much do I owe you?
McD's Guy: That depends... What kind of burger do you want? A Big Mac? A Quarter Pounder?
Me: Just a burger, thanks.
McD's Guy: So just a hamburger then?
(At this point I actually got frustrated with the employee. I may have raised my voice, in hopes that a nearby manager would take action with this new guy.)
Me: No, I don't want a HAM burger! I want a plain, simple, BEEF burger. To go. Thanks.
(I slam my change on the table, and quickly sit down to emphasize my frustration.)

And that's my story. I don't blame the guy now... it's happened a few times now. Apparently, despite what that little tissue-paper wrapping around the burger says, it is not made with "100% Beef". Either that, or they have a serious problem in training their staff.

Anyway, that's my vent.

Danny P out.

Nothing to see here

Yeah, I haven't posted anything since Saturday. And to be honest, it'll probably be close to a week before I make any post (aside from this one). I knew I was going to have a take-home exam to do this week, I had no idea it would be fourteen pages. So between that and real exams, blogging's not all that high on my list of priorities at the moment.

-Ryan

Why You Hate Me

There are a lot of reasons for a lot of people to hate me. I sat back and thought about it a few days ago, and a few of them are actually justified. Pat would've just hopped a bus and went home if I didn't follow him that night; he would've slept in a bed instead of making a drunken show of self abuse for my benefit while I tried to settle him down. I'd tell a few more musings, but that's actually not what I'm here to write. Instead, this is why a good deal of people started to hate me as of about 2:30a.m.:

I just bought a Mac.

Oops! I accidentlly clicked "Bid" on eBay, and I'm (probably going to be) the proud owner of a brand new (insert specs here) iBook. I don't know how many ram units in Mac convert over to PC and such, but I'm told there's a difference.

You know what? This is probably a great thing. My old laptop is cracked at the hinges and I can't safely close it, so effectively I've been using a desktop for the past few weeks.

Now, I'll have an iBook for portability: I can bring that to Williams when I want to get some work done. And I can't get off course from real work, 'cause it's a low-end machine that probably can't do too much anyway. Not that I'd know how to...


Well, the bid ends on the 5th... So I'm sure I'll let you know how this pans out.

Wish me luck?

I mean, Wish me luck!

--Dan Phillips

P.S.: I'm not going to lie, I almost bid on one of those little french sideways floppy hats... But I didn't!

Random Saturday night musings...

None of these are worth stretching out into a full post

-There's now a stop sign at the end of my street (in Kitchener). This isn't that surprising - it's a court, to the right is another court, the left gets you out. However, it's rather jarring to see it there every time I drive past - a good twenty years or so this court has stood without it, there's never been a collision. Yet I've heard many people express surprise when they realized there was no stop sign. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

-Drove into a snowstorm yesterday. Couple that with the Environment Canada predictions released yesterday, and it's looking like a white Christmas. About time.

-'Rickrolling' is perhaps the dumbest Internet fad I've ever seen. For more information on 'rickrolling', click here.

-I'm serious about it being stupid though.

-Why don't I talk seriously about American politics? Maybe because they aren't serious? Let's face it, the Democratic candidate is going to be either Obama or Clinton, and there are plenty of people who would note vote for Obama because of his race, or not vote for Clinton because of her gender (in fact, the media seems to be hammering this point home by generally referring to her by first name only, has that ever happened to any other candidate?). So that leaves the Republicans to take control of the White House, and while there is actually a wide difference of ideology between the top Republican candidates, nobody seems to actually care about this (the debate on Wednesday night included such hard-hitting questions as 'Rudy Giuliani, why did you start rooting for the Red Sox?') - it all adds up to another four years under GOP rule. Enjoy.

-Unless I move out-of-province or some laws change, I won't have to taking another driving test for over sixty years. On the one hand, it's nice for me. On the other, a lot could happen in that time which could put me in a position where I shouldn't be driving. So now I'm a little worried about the system.

-xkcd is a webcomic I've recently discovered. While some of the jokes are too nerdy for even me to get (mainly computer programming-related ones, I'm clueless when it comes to that stuff), some of the other strips are great.

-Considering I have a low budget and limited cooking skills, I'm amazed I have yet to hardboil any eggs.

--Ryan

This really is a comic

Although it does contain an unusually high level of social commentary.

(click for full-size)

I almost got all the way through without noticing the popcorn.

--Ryan

This was originally a comic

To make up for that terrible post I have since deleted, I decided to post something that I thought was deep when I made it.


A few weeks ago, I tried my hand at making comic. I decided to take a different approach from that which I have tried in the past; I tried to script them before I start drawing. (Duh!)

Anyway, in the end, it wasn't a comic in any comical sense. It wasn't funny at all! So, I stuck on some pictures stolen from around the internet, and popped it in Studio MX.

This is what came out:
(Click on it!)



--
Dan Phillips

Breaking news

Hyland Cinema opens in the old Rainbow space (Market Square) tomorrow. They're playing four movies, none of which immediately rang a bell, all rated 14A.

But you probably knew all that already.

--Ryan

A brief word, plus two videos

This post is being made partially because I feel like I haven't written anything in a while, partially to bump Dan's Portuguese whaling terrorists off the top spot.

Six years ago today - November 29, 2001 - George Harrison died. Despite being arguably the least 'famous' Beatle, he leaves behind a legacy of great music, both with the Beatles and solo (and for that matter, with the Travelling Wilburys).

In honour of George Harrison, here are a pair of videos - George, Ringo Starr, Elton John, Phil Collins, Eric Clapton, Jeff Lynne, and others performing While My Guitar Gently Wheeps and Here Comes The Sun.

Also, check out this article from today's Brantford Expositor - the subject speaks for itself.

--Ryan

My own 'blah' moment

I feel like there's a joke to be made about cows and bobcats (very, very few people would have any clue what I'm talking about), but I just can't quite put my finger on it.

And thanks to my spectacular procrastinating skills, I have just over 24 hours to write another five pages on whether Parliament should review Supreme Court appointees. The sad part is that the other topics I could have chosen were even worse.

--Ryan

(I'm not really feeling the blahs yet, I thought they were more of a post-Christmas thing at any rate.)

A Grey Cup timeline

It's been about three hours since Saskatchewan proved that I have no business making football predictions (and cost Dan a pretty Pro-Line penny). Now, using a combination of personal recollection, archived MSN conversations, and notes I left myself in a variety of places - primarily the essay I'm working on for PO263 - here are my thoughts of Grey Cup Sunday, organized chronologically.

4:40 PM - I've been watching the CBC's pre-game show for over an hour now, and I've seen Sloan perform a song I don't recognize, as well as an interview with Super Dave Osborne (it may have been a Super Dave impersonator, I'm not completely sure). Hopefully I didn't miss the best blogging material before getting this idea.

4:55 PM - Elliotte Friedman (if not for his deep voice, I'd assume 'Elliotte' is the feminine version of 'Elliot') introduces a handful of CBC cameramen. On a possibly unrelated note, we never got the shots of Kim Mitchell in concert that we were promised.

5:21 PM - The pregame show has taken on a more serious tone, Elliotte being joined by the CBC's panel of analysts. Not fun for blogging.

5:45 PM - Player introductions start. Each team gets maybe a dozen players introduced by name (seemingly chosen at random), the rest of the team comes out as one. Also, the introductions alternate between English and French, and I'm surprised that none of the American players introduced in French miss their cues.

5:57 PM - And now, to sing O Canada, the Barenaked Ladies! They start off slow and somber, adding some nice harmonization near the end. I give them an A.

6:02 PM - The ceremonial coin toss is really more of a coin drop. Nice going, Lieutenant-Governor of Ontario.

6:12 PM - Scotiabank seems to have the market for commercials which are only clever if you're completely immersed in them covered. Likewise for the market of commercials which talk about talking about onions.

6:13 PM - The Rogers 'family' commercials, on the other hand, get more annoying every time you see them. YES, WE GET IT. YOUR FISHING BUDDY'S NAME IS ROD. FISHING ROD. IT'S A PUN. At least they rotate the commercials once in a while.

6:19 PM - In the unlikely event these CFL/War Amps commercials continue past today, Cody could become a national icon. Kinda like that kid from the McCain's Cool Quenchers commercial. You know who I'm talking about.

6:25 PM - Small Soldiers is not available on DVD. I'm 100% confident that this had nothing to do with the game.

6:28 PM - I have officially given Ryan Dinwiddie the nickname 'Dinnerplate'. It's longer, but much easier to type. Try it for yourself!

6:32 PM - In hockey terms, what Saskatchewan just did would be called 'too many men on the ice'. In football, it's apparently an 'illegal substitution'. Substituting somebody for nobody? Yeah, I guess I can see that.

6:33 PM - Winnipeg has a player named Tom Canada. He's American. Somehow, I have yet to hear a parody song to the tune of 'O Canada'. Who do I call to complain about that?

6:41 PM - Cody makes his second appearance. At this rate, he might even surpass the kid who buys his dad and grandfather a Tim Horton's coffee every Christmas.

6:42 PM - We're back from commercial and Saskatchewan is punting. I'm reasonably sure that when the break started, Winnipeg was punting. Did CBC really just throw a commercial break over the actual game?

6:54 PM - Is Wendy's not freezing their burgers really that important? A&W freezes theirs, and they're still better. Plus the whole sanitation thing.

7:06 PM - Saskatchewan has a grand total of -20 yards so far this game. This explains why they haven't scored yet, but not why (or how) Winnipeg only has 5 points.

7:15 PM - Saskatchewan looks to finally be nearing the endzone...except that whoever had the ball for them (I can't remember) fumbles it on his way to the ground, it bounces to the endzone, and after a big pileup, Winnipeg gains possession (and another two points). On the plus side, we now have the more normal-looking score of 7-0.

7:18 PM - And the Riders quickly tie it up, 7-7.

7:38 PM - 10-7 Saskatchewan at halftime. Introducing the halftime show, Elliotte Friedman informs us that "the public address announcer is single."

7:49 PM - I get a phone call and miss American Woman. Luckily, I'm sure it'll be on Youtube by the time I wake up.

8:03 PM - Winnipeg coach Dave Berry asks CBC reporter Brenda Irving if the question she just asked was approved by her mother. I don't get it.

8:16 PM - One CBC announcer speaking about a player - "now he's on his horse". Winston Ferguson (he who is famous for telling a group of students to "get on your horse, drink your milk, and get flying") would be proud.

8:19 PM - By the way, it's now 14-13 Winnipeg. The game's a little more exciting than it was at the beginning.

8:35 PM - 3rd and 1 for Saskatchewan, deep in the Winnipeg zone. Kerry Joseph runs it himself, and the ref rules that he didn't get far enough. Saskatchwan coach Kent Austin challenges the play, and the replay shows that he was right - the call is reversed, first down for Saskatchewan. Winnipeg's coach challenges THAT, which is not something he is allowed to do, so Winnipeg is served with a ten-yard penalty for delay of game. Amazingly, the coach is smart enough not to challenge the penalty. Oh, and while all of this was going on, a camera showed the video review booth - and somebody had the idea to use a Telestrator to point out who the key officials were.

Apparently the only exciting thing to happen from this point on was a fan running on to the field between plays. The cameras didn't show him, but announcer Mark Lee didn't realize that, and was handling play-by-play of security's pursuit..."there's now a fan on the field...he breaks a tackle..." Oh, and Saskatchewan won, but not by enough to win Dan any money. C'est la vie.

--Ryan

I'm scared

I just laughed out loud at the following sentence:

It is common for Canadians to invoke the American protection against self-incrimination by "taking the fifth," but invoking the fifth article of our Charter of Rights means calling upon Parliament and each provincial legislature to sit at least once every twelve months.

In a futile attempt to explain myself, I was given the mental image of a typical court case for a car accident or somesuch, somebody "takes the fifth", and then the doors sudden burst open and the room is filled with scores of politicians, ready to get down to business.

In conclusion, I need a life.

--Ryan

P.S. Have you ever seen a passage of writing go twenty-six words without a punctuation mark? This one did!

Reader vs. Heroes

Careful, Google! You might not want to draw this comparison...

Since November 19th, Google Reader's home page has read "What do Reader and Heroes have in common?"

This comes only a few weeks after Tim Kring apologizes for making the second season suck.

So Chris Wetherell, what are you implying? I still like Google Reader. Is something going to change in light of recent lack-of-success? Are programmers going on strike at a time opportune to save Reader?


May I be the first to draw this rash conclusion, and beg Google employees not to strike!

--
Dan Phillips

A Grey Cup primer

Look! To the right! I'm using pictures now!

It's that time of year already - the one weekend where a few million Canadians actually pay attention to the CFL. Grey Cup weekend. To make it easier for you to appear as if you actually know what you're talking about, here's a quick four-point rundown of the key stories leading into the 95th Grey Cup.

THE GAME: Winnipeg and Saskatchewan are meeting in the Grey Cup for the first time ever. While this sounds impressive at first, keep in mind that historically, both teams have primarily been part of the West division - Winnipeg jumping back and forth from time to time - and thus it is often impossible for them to face off in the Grey Cup. Also, some people are referring to this game as the 'Banjo Bowl' - in 2003, Winnipeg kicker Troy Westwood called Saskatchwan fans "a bunch of banjo-pickin' in-breds".

WINNIPEG: The big story for Winnipeg is a fellow by the name of Ryan Dinwiddie. During last week's semi-finals, Kevin Glenn (Winnipeg's regular quarterback) broke his arm, forcing Dinwiddie into action. This is similar to Tom Brady replacing Drew Bledsoe a few years ago, although if Dinwiddie leads Winnipeg to victory, it could arguably surpass Brady's achievements (as he had a few games to get ready). Winnipeg also has slotback Milt Stegall, who recently became the CFL's all-time leader in touchdowns. This is likely Stegall's last game before retirement. Winnipeg's roster also includes Ian Logan, a Laurier alumnus, at cornerback.

SASKATCHEWAN: Unlike Winnipeg, the Roughriders have their starting quarterback ready for action tomorrow - and Kerry Joseph is certainly a dangerous player, having just won the CFL's Most Outstanding Player award. Saskatchewan's offence also includes Corey Holmes. Laurier is represented by linebacker Yannick Carter, and wide receiver Corey Grant.

HALFTIME SHOW: 'Cuz let's face it, this is what everyone watches for, right? Gone are the days when the Grey Cup halftime show would feature a strictly Canadian act such as the Tragically Hip, Shania Twain, or Trooper, the last two halftime shows have featured the Black Eyed Peas and Nelly Furtado, and this year we get to see Lenny Kravitz. Of course, this year's game is taking place inside the SkyDome Rogers Centre, so we're not going to see the performances in sub-zero weather that all those videos I linked to contained. I have no idea what songs Kravitz will play - I *think* he's promoting a new album - but this being Canada, he'd be nuts to to either start or finish with 'American Woman'.

There you have it. Everything you need to know about the Grey Cup (except TV coverage - 5:30 PM Sunday on CBC, there you go). As for my prediction? I've got to go with the fairy tale ending here - Dinwiddie leads the Bombers to a Grey Cup despite being heavy underdogs.

--Ryan

I don't get it

If you haven't been following the whole Mulroney/Schreiber affair...I don't blame you. I'm a lot more interested in this stuff than the average person, and even I find it mind-numbingly dry. That said, despite the limited attention I've been paying it, one thing has stuck out to me like a sore thumb - why are we listening to this guy?

Karlheinz Schreiber is wanted in Germany on charges of fraud, bribery, and tax fraud. Last time I checked, Germany wasn't exactly Syria - if a person is said to commit a crime there, it's probably a crime in Canada as well. So obviously, it's in Schreiber's best interests to stay away from Germany as long as possible. This is of course made much more difficult for him because of the fact that Canada has an extradition agreement with Germany. So once Schreiber has exhausted all legal avenues of delaying his extradition - as others have reported happened just before this whole kerfuffle began - it only follows that he'd try something like this.

A court has already found that Mulroney had limited to no dealings with Schreiber, and Mulroney's eagerness to have a public inquiry only further shows his innocence in my eyes. On the other hand, you've got somebody who stands to gain immensely from simply lying, and given the allegations he's facing in Germany, has no problem behaving unethically when it's in his best interest.

I'm not exactly a huge fan of Brian Mulroney's, but I'd still take his word over that of a known liar fighting an extradition battle.

--Ryan

The most pointless time-waster ever

Go to Wikipedia's main page, hit 'random article' fourteen times, and make an album (or CD, if you don't understand the word 'album') out of the results.

Here's two of mine...

Artist: Stan Vanderbeek
Album title: Division of Hindmarsh

Track listing:
1. Ratnagiri (Orissa)
2. List of moths of India (Notodontidae)
3. In the Wake of Separation
4. Dorsa Ewing
5. Irini Terzoglou
6. Ruthenium red
7. Uhthoff, Ontario
8. KVOS-TV
9. The Southlands (Warhammer)
10. Chicago Tribune
11. Mount Woodring
12. Dick Clark's LIVE Wednesday

Looks to me like a bizarre, post-modern album of sorts...many instrumentals and spoken word songs; not commercially successful but absolutely adored by Stan's meagre fanbase.

-------------------

Artist: Leandro Macedo
Album Title: Royal Victoria Gallery for the Encouragement of Practical Science

Track Listing:
1. Uniform Probate Code
2. Mercedes-Benz C-Class
3. Volcanoes of the Deep Sea
4. Infernal Caverns
5. Research Institute for Development, Communication, and School Partnership
6. Miss Spectacular
7. Relentless Records
8. Romanel
9. 77th Armor Regiment (United States)
10. A Band Called Pain
11. Chevrolet Aerovette
12. The Reluctant Traveller

So what happens when an indie band goes way, way too far? This looks almost like a concept album of sorts - with a clear link from 3 to 4, 11 being a sort of 'sequel' to 2, and 12 summing everything up...but then you have track 5, which combines with the album title to show that Macedo has absolutely no respect for the limited amount of time DJs have to announce song names - for that reason alone, it's probably the hit single.

-------------------

So on the one hand, this seems ridiculous. On the other, it's actually kinda fun. Try it yourself! Or not.

Yadda yadda flawlessly.

--Ryan

MultiMon Task bar

If you use multiple monitors at once, this is a must have application!

For me, I use my second monitor to constantly view a calendar and media player. Sure, it burns into the screen, but that's not the issue I'm addressing today.

The issue is that I have buttons on my taskbar that I never want to click. What I want is a separate taskbar to control the applications in the other window. Well, that's just what I found!

This secondary taskbar includes a clock, a frame for my text clipboard, and a small out-of-the-way button on the top of every window to throw windows back and forth between screens without having to drag them.

I'm sure many people will be googling for such a solution. That's how I found it. So here's the link for more information!

http://www.mediachance.com/free/multimon.htm

Or download it here!

http://www.mediachance.com/free/mmtaskbar21.exe


EDIT: One more useful tidbit! The shortcut to switch which screen a window is open on is ctrl+alt+left/right. (That alone makes it worthwhile!)

Go see how that works out for ya'!

For me, it's working flawlessly!

--
Dan Phillips

Commercial Ice Cubes: Where Not To Use Them

In some restaurants, they put ice cubes in the urinals.

This is excellent for many reasons, the most obvious being the entertainment value of causing them to melt, but the more practical purpose of reducing odour in the restroom.

Unfortunately, some restaurants like one of the Tim Hortons near my home in Waterloo use commercial ice-cube makers (right).

Because commercial ice makers use running water to make higher-quality ice, the ice comes out with an indentation on one side of the ice cube where the machine held the block in place.

When aimed in just the wrong way, the stream of urine will enter one side of the indentation, and be refocused back from whence it came. (I.e., all over my pants.)

So, employees of venues too cheap to buy urinal cakes:

If you're going to use ice cubes, please don't use these commercial cubes!

Let's all go to the movies!

Rejoice, my fellow Brantfordians...Brantfordonians...Brantforders...Brantfordites?

Well, whatever we are, we have ourselves a new downtown movie theatre. Hyland Cinema, which owns one location in London, has announced that they're going to take up the vacant Rainbow moviehouse (I'm running out of synonyms here), and show second-run box office hits along with major independent movies. In other words, more or less exactly what we got at Rainbow, maybe slightly better. That's good, by the way.

The other positive to come out of this is that I have yet to see or hear anybody talking about how the new cinema will "finally revitalize Market Square" - and don't kid yourself, it won't. In the entire time I've been in Brantford, the perception of Market Square has gone from "that sketchy mall with Rainbow" to "that sketchy mall with a Williams opening soon" to "that sketchy mall with a Williams nicely placed so that you don't actually have to see the rest of the mall from there". Now it's going to be "that sketchy mall with a Williams and a theatre".

No one business by itself will revitalize Market Square. That said, if the mall management could somehow convince a number of retailers, both chains and independents, to set up shop more or less at the same time, there's a chance it could be restored to its former glory.

--Ryan

Heeeeeeeeeeeeee's back!

Way back in September, I mentioned perennial election-loser John Turmel getting tossed from a debate because he refused to follow the moderator's rules. I had actually forgot about the incident (to some extent) - until this morning. Perusing today's Expositor, I stumbled upon this article...

John Turmel is vowing to continue his fight against what he claims was inequitable treatment during a televised local candidates debate during the recent provincial election.

Turmel, a independent candidate in Brant riding, was ejected from the September Rogers Television debate by police after moderator Tim Philp ordered him removed for breaking a debate rule that said no props, buttons or other promotional materials were allowed.

Turmel says his removal early in the debate was undemocratic, inequitable and against regulations governing broadcasts during election campaigns. He launched a court challenge asking for equitable time on Rogers following the incident.

The Federal Court of appeal recently dismissed one motion put forward by Turmel, saying it didn't have the authority to immediately rule on the matter, but the court is preparing to hear arguments as to the fairness of Turmel's ejection.

Turmel and the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission, which governs broadcast standards on TV stations, including Rogers, are now in the process of filing arguments with the court.

"They are going to have to argue somehow that (my ejection) was fair," Turmel said during an interview. "We haven't found out why Philp decided that party buttons were not allowed.

"My hope is for the CRTC to be chastised for not having supervised that I got equitable time."

A CRTC spokesperson this week said the commission can't comment on the case because it is still before the courts.

Philp, a columnist in The Expositor, said he isn't surprised that Turmel is pushing the case forward.

"He's got a long history of doing this sort of stuff," Philp said. "He doesn't really care if he wins this or not. He's really doing this to embarrass me, but I think the only thing he will do is embarrass himself."

Court documents filed by the CRTC mention Turmel's record of filing numerous complaints against the broadcasting regulator during the 1980s. Turmel has run in 66 elections for various offices, a Guinness World Record, but has never won.

"It is worth noting that the applicant has brought similar applications against the respondent in the past and that they have been rejected by the court," the documents say.

Philp said Turmel's actions during the televised debate - wearing a promotional sticker on his jacket and interrupting another candidate - served to make a mockery of the political process. Philp said he acted fairly and appropriately in ejecting him.

Turmel said he doesn't expect a final resolution to the case for at least six months.

I am, of course, convinced that Turmel is doing this mainly for the fun of it - as stupid as it sounds, I can see the appeal in playing 'village idiot' for a large audience. Also, I have to admit that from the little bit I've seen of Philp, he seems a little more opinionated (or at least more willing to share his opinions) than the average media member from a city of Brantford's size. None of this changes the fact that what Turmel just did makes no sense whatsoever.

Fact: the debate had rules, and while Philp was likely not the one to set them, he was the one who had to enforce them. Fact: Turmel broke those rules, was given more than fair warning, and refused to change his stance.

I can understand Turmel wanting to challenge the validity of the rules - but I don't see what the CRTC can possibly do in this matter. Maybe I'm just ignorant, but I think that if there's ANY federal institution which has jurisdiction over election debates, it would be Elections Canada. I have no problem with him going through the courts, either - I just don't see how the CRTC has anything to do with this.

--Ryan

P.S. Yes, I know there's a new theatre opening up in Market Square soon - I'll explain why it's not going to work some other time.

What I Want To Do When I Grow Up (but not really)

I want to be able to draw a comic. More than that, I want to be able to draw a comic on a regular basis. I don't think I ever will, or at least not one with a consistent format.

I have an idea, though. It won't be anything like this; this is just a rogue image for practice. Something that, if I found it easy enough to do, I'd do it again. It wasn't, so I won't.

I hope the resolution's good for it to look nice on Blogger. I'm too lazy to change it right now, so I won't if it's bad.

Anyway, I'll explain more about my idea some other time (when I've thought it through).

We'll see how that pans out.

I can only imagine, awesomely.

--
Dan

Get Smart - Official Trailer

Here below the official teaser trailer of Get Smart:

The trailer makes me confident that the movie is gonna be really funny.
Impatient to watch this summer 2008 comedy.
:)

Get Smart Pictures

Here below some pictures from Get Smart, upcoming comedy movie starring Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway:
(Click on a picture to enlarge it.)Steve Carell looks dumb as usual, but Anne Hathaway looks damned on one those Get Smart pictures.
:)