I don't mean to be rude about this, but I have a short list of complaints which I feel the need to share.
- When you arrive forty-five minutes late for the performance, do not enter the theatre while talking on your cellular phone.
- It is best to laugh at the comedian's jokes at the punchline - not at the jokes of your friends during the show.
- Try not to overwhelm people around you with coconut-scented perfume. If you were not wearing perfume, please be careful not to douse yourself in Malibu coconut rum.
- When the comedian shoots a dirty look in your direction, you should probably try to be quiet.
- When you need to use the washroom, don't announce it for half an hour before you leave. Just get it over with as soon as possible.
At the beginning of his act, Russell Peters asked if anyone in the audience was from his home town of Brampton, Ontario. Someone screamed "fuck yeah", and Mr. Peters shamed them for giving his hometown a bad reputation. At this point, the seat beside me was vacant. Once you did arrive, rude girl who I am writing to, I overheard that you yourself were from Brampton. I also gathered that your brother recently had a child, and that you thought the bar-bouncer was a cute - even though I suspect he threw you out. Considering you arrived late and left early, I should not know such details of your life.
--
D. Phillips
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