Dear girl who sat beside me at the Russell Peters show on Saturday,

Dear girl who sat beside me at the Russell Peters show on Saturday,

I don't mean to be rude about this, but I have a short list of complaints which I feel the need to share.

1. When you arrive forty-five minutes late for the performance, do not enter the theatre while talking on your cellular phone.
2. It is best to laugh at the comedian's jokes at the punchline - not at the jokes of your friends during the show.
3. Try not to overwhelm people around you with coconut-scented perfume. If you were not wearing perfume, please be careful not to douse yourself in Malibu coconut rum.
4. When the comedian shoots a dirty look in your direction, you should probably try to be quiet.
5. When you need to use the washroom, don't announce it for half an hour before you leave. Just get it over with as soon as possible.

At the beginning of his act, Russell Peters asked if anyone in the audience was from his home town of Brampton, Ontario. Someone screamed "fuck yeah", and Mr. Peters shamed them for giving his hometown a bad reputation. At this point, the seat beside me was vacant. Once you did arrive, rude girl who I am writing to, I overheard that you yourself were from Brampton. I also gathered that your brother recently had a child, and that you thought the bar-bouncer was a cute - even though I suspect he threw you out. Considering you arrived late and left early, I should not know such details of your life.

--

D. Phillips

2K9

Happy 2009, folks! I suppose this is the primier post of the year on honeygarlic.blogspot.com, so without further delay:

F1RST!

Now that that's out of the way, here are my 2008 resolutions:

Every day, I will go out of my way to do at least one thing that makes me physically stronger.

Every day, I will learn something that makes me mentally and morally stronger.

Every week, I will have something creative constructed to show for my efforts throughout that week.

Every month, I will eat something I believe to be allergic to - just to see if I really am or not.

Not bad. I blew the first two in September, having moved back to Brantford and lost the will to excercize. As for the third, it was arguably lost around May/June. Not for any particular reason... I just lost the habit.

My final resolution was to eat something I believe to be allergic to. (Wow... that's bad grammar.) I did this once a month, every month, until now. (As I type this, I have four hours to eat a shrimp to keep at least that one resolution from last year. I found sushi! Got it covered! Uh oh, my throat's closing...)

Here are my resolutions for this year:

1. Re-try my third resolution from last year: Every week, I will have something creative constructed to show for my effots throughout that week. To maintain this, I'll keep a weekly record to be posted on my other blog, here.
2. Up my GPA by two points for next term. (This shouldn't be too hard. For our non-Laurier readers, our school works on a twelve point system.)
3. Be healthier in these respects:

• Eat less grease. (i.e. Switch to margerine instead of butter and limit my use of the deep frier.
  
• Make a five minute effort towards physically demanding excersize each day.
  
• Floss daily.
  

That's it for me. You may recal, Ryan's resolutions were 1280x768. I have reason to believe he's kept them. I'm sure our beloved readers can expect a post shortly from him.

--

D. Phillips