High School Test

High School Exit Exam...!! (Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below



1) 116 years
2) Ecuador
3) Sheep and Horses
4) November
5) Squirrel fur
6) Dogs
7) Albert
8) Crimson
9) New Zealand
10) Orange

What do you mean, you failed? Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

feverip

Etiquette

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part.



"Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "

from henny

Canadian Fishing

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.

'We are sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife' said one Mountie.

'Tell me! Did you find her?' the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said, 'We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, 'Give me the bad news first.' The Mountie said, 'I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay.

' Oh my God!' exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, 'What's the good news?'

The Mountie continued, 'When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 6 good-size lobsters clinging to her.'

Stunned, the husband demanded, 'If that's the good news, what's the great news?'

The Mountie said, 'We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.

Quote from The Manual

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
Infantry Journal
------------------------------------------------
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
U.S. Air Force Manual
----------- --------- --------- -----------------
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
- General MacArthur
------------ --------- --------- ----------------
"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.
------ ------ --------- --------- ---------------
"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
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"If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him."
USAF - Ammo Troop
------------ --------- --------- ---------------
"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot )
------------ --------- --------- ----------------
A Navigator's Definition of Latitude & Longitude:Latitude is Where We are Lost, &Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!
USAF Navi-guesser - Woo Hoo
----------- --------- --------- --------- ----- -
When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies."
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
And "Oh Shit!"

----------- --------- --------- ------------------
" Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight."
------------ --------- --------- ----------------
"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; We never left one up there!"
----------- --------- --------- --------- -------
"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
------------ --------- --------- -----------------
"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
------------ --------- --------- -----------------

A little New Clarification of Corporate Lingo

A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT- We booze it up at company parties.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY--Drinks a lot.

AGGRESSIVE--Obnoxious.

APPLY IN PERSON-- If you’re old, fat or ugly like I, you’ll be told the position has been filled.

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE-- in the list of next retrenchment programme

CAREER MINDED--Back Stabber

CAREER-MINDED--2nd interpretation, female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

CAREFUL THINKER--Never make a decision

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE--We don’t pay enough to expect that

COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED-- Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English Literature or religion.

COMPETITIVE SALARY-- We remain competitive by paying 30% less than our competitors.

DUTIES WILL VARY-- Anyone in the office can boss you around.

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT--Luck.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED-- Made no major blunders yet.

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY--Spouse drinks, too.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS-- Spends most of the time on phone chatting.

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS-- Able to BS..

HARD WORKING--must be dumb.

INDEPENDENT WORKER--Nobody knows what he/she does.

JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM-- We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY-- We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR--Knows a lot of dirty jokes.

LOYAL--Can't get a better job elsewhere.

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL--A nit picker

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED-- You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL--We have no quality control.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE--We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

OUTGOING PERSONALITY -Always meeting people at Starbucks or Hotel Cafe'.

QUICK THINKING--Offers plausible excuses.

SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE--who still live
with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries.

SMOKE FREE OFFICE-- Smoking Car park area, smoking lobby, restroom…

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED-- Some time each night and some time each weekend.

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS--Gets someone else to do it.

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY--Too ugly to get a date.

Knowing that we do not wish to see this happening in our company, but probably some of them does exist in some companies! Who knows? Hope we do not treat this too seriously!

Vintage over night

“On one new year’s eve, I was celebrating at a restaurant with a bunch of friends and I decided to order a glass of red wine to accompany the countdown.

I randomly chose one and it went well to welcome in the new Year.
We stayed until after midnight and I ordered another glass f same red wine.

When it came to time to leave. I got my bill and noticed my second glass of the same wine cost more, I consulted the waiter, who told me that after midnight, the wine was technically one year older and had now become a “decade-old wine” – as compared to the original, unimpressive nine-year vintage- which, according to restaurant policy, costs more.

I’m happy to report that restaurant is closed now!”

Man's Wisdom

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying... and the other ensures you continue to do so.


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.


Wife: Honey..... What are you Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour ?
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.


Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you no matter who left you a fortune”


Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem would disappear immediatlely.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this?"


Father to son after exam: "let me see your school report "
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?" Millionaire: " Billionaire"


Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.


A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor”

Happy Marriage

A couple was celebrating their Pearl wedding anniversary.

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, "What a peaceful and loving couple."

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.

"We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the Canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'

We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly took out a revolver from her purse and shot the mule dead!

I started an angry protest over her treatment of the mule, when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once.'

Then we lived happily ever after."

Some Health Tips

Growing older can be wonderful if we make healthy changes to our diet and lifestyle.
Eating well and living an active life can make you work or play longer than people much younger than you are. Looking beautiful at your age will also be an added bonus.

These are few important steps to help us through our journey in life.

Think healthy weight
Set a balanced diet
Drink plenty of water
Take care of your bones
Cut back on salt
Avoid indigestion
Keep you Iron and Vitamin C connected
Finding the right supplements
Fill up on Antioxidant
Never too late to exercise
Smile all the time
Help people when ever you can
Love your family members, spouse colleagues, friends
Believing in God
Sleep earlier, wake up earlier, get out from work earlier and go "happy hour"!

A Liberated Man

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then, it was already 1P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed. At 9 P.M .. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: - 'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: 'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'



This has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!

Good Trade

Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Mary tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Mary. 'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Mary looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.' The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: 'Good trade.....'

Bill Gates Rules

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one

Another perspective

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?”

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?”

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means.

You can always pray whenever you want to."

Why is it so?

Why there is no Light Emitting Triodes?

Why the Black Box is not Black in Colour?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?[

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why A TRIAC also called Semiconductor?

Why do Chinese translation of "Bolt" and "Nut" has correlation of sexual organs?

A Well Planned Retirement

A Well-Planned Retirement*From The London Times:*

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses.

It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars £1 (about $1.40) and coaches at £5 (about $7).

This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years. Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work.

"Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management - "we'd better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant..."

"Err ... no", said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility."

"Err ... no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?"

"Err ... NO!" insisted the Council.

Sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, is a bloke who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at about $560 per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years.
Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million!

And no one even knows his name.....

The Next CEO

A successful business man was growing old and he knew that it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He gathered all the young executives in his company together.

He said, 'It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO.
I have decided to choose one of you.

'The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. 'I am going to give each one
of you a “seed” today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year after with what you have grown from the seed I have just given you.
I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.'

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted
the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.
Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.
By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however...
He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot, but she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment
of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the grand board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives... They were beautiful --in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. ‘What great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown,' said the CEO. 'Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!'

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the CTO to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, 'The CEO knows I'm a failure! May be he will have me fired!'

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, 'Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

His name is Jim!' Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. 'How could he be the new CEO?' the others said.

Then the CEO said, 'One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the
only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it.

Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!'