A little New Clarification of Corporate Lingo

A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT- We booze it up at company parties.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY--Drinks a lot.

AGGRESSIVE--Obnoxious.

APPLY IN PERSON-- If you’re old, fat or ugly like I, you’ll be told the position has been filled.

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE-- in the list of next retrenchment programme

CAREER MINDED--Back Stabber

CAREER-MINDED--2nd interpretation, female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

CAREFUL THINKER--Never make a decision

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE--We don’t pay enough to expect that

COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED-- Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English Literature or religion.

COMPETITIVE SALARY-- We remain competitive by paying 30% less than our competitors.

DUTIES WILL VARY-- Anyone in the office can boss you around.

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT--Luck.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED-- Made no major blunders yet.

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY--Spouse drinks, too.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS-- Spends most of the time on phone chatting.

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS-- Able to BS..

HARD WORKING--must be dumb.

INDEPENDENT WORKER--Nobody knows what he/she does.

JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM-- We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY-- We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR--Knows a lot of dirty jokes.

LOYAL--Can't get a better job elsewhere.

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL--A nit picker

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED-- You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL--We have no quality control.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE--We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

OUTGOING PERSONALITY -Always meeting people at Starbucks or Hotel Cafe'.

QUICK THINKING--Offers plausible excuses.

SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE--who still live
with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries.

SMOKE FREE OFFICE-- Smoking Car park area, smoking lobby, restroom…

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED-- Some time each night and some time each weekend.

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS--Gets someone else to do it.

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY--Too ugly to get a date.

Knowing that we do not wish to see this happening in our company, but probably some of them does exist in some companies! Who knows? Hope we do not treat this too seriously!