The small ironies are the funniest

Pop quiz: how much do you remember of my journey to the Brantford General Hospital emergency room?

Probably more than I give you credit for. You might even remember that Dan went home and came back with some supplies to get me through the night.

What you likely don't remember is that those supplies included a book included in the package for the sole reason that he thought the book I wanted would be boring.

I never read that book. Never even really glanced at it.

This brings me to Sunday afternoon. Dan and I are in my bedroom, doing whatever it is we do (minds out of the gutter, thank you very much). I notice that this extra book is still sitting on my dresser, and hand it to Dan, seeing as it's his book and all.

We discuss the book, which is essentially answers to common medical questions such as "where does brainfreeze come from?". Dan suggests that I read it anyhow, and here's where I pick up the direct quote:

"Because it answers things like *reading off back cover* 'how do people in wheelchairs have sex?'! Or...*doing an amazingly good job at not bursting into laughter*...'can I lose my contact lens inside my head forever?'!"

"Does it really say that?"

"Yeah!"

I look, and see that it does in fact really say that (underline mine):


After a few minutes of uproarious laughter, we collected ourselves for long enough to realize that we should probably look at what the book says on that subject. So we do, and we find this:


Yeah. So I spent several hours overnight in an emergency room, only to learn that nothing was wrong and the worst-case scenario wasn't really that bad. Which I'd have learned much earlier if I'd even READ THE COVER OF THE BOOK DAN BROUGHT FOR ME TO READ.

Almost seems funny in retrospect.

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Also, since Dan beat me to talking about Omegle, here's my take.

I've had exactly two conversations on Omegle. The first was with somebody who claimed to be a 16-year-old Finnish girl. Immediately suspcious, I disconnected. Kinda regret that now.

My second conversation was actually much better, the guy refused to start off with an 'a/s/l' or any of the typical chat/Omegle openings, and instead we learned a fair bit about each other through a naturally-flowing conversation that lasted for half an hour or so.

He's an archaeology student at a college or university in Florida, somewhere near Miami. He's generally annoyed by people on Omegle for much the same reason Dan was. We talked a fair bit about the similarities and differences between Canada and the US, and he mentioned that he's considered studying at UBC. We must have talked about more, but it's been a week and I don't remember.

Why haven't I gone back on? I need a better opening line. Yes, a lot of people on Omegle are interested in sex, advertising their website/product, or just wasting your time. Sometimes all three at once. But there are plenty who aren't, and most of those conversations are the ones that start off awkwardly - "hey" "hi" "what's up?" "not much u?".

I need to think of something to say that will instantly grab the other person's attention - make them realize that I'm actually interested in having a real conversation with them. And ideally make them laugh. Suggestions are welcome.

--Ryan