This also makes me laugh

Who knew that it would take so little work to give a new theme to an iconic comic strip?



--Ryan

Grammatical ambiguities make me laugh

This week, it seems as though you can divide everybody's thoughts up into one of three categories.

1) "I can't believe all these leftovers we've got!"
2) "SHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOP!"
3) "Wait, is Pakistan on our side?"

I, on the other hand - having no leftovers, no appetite to shop, and a relatively strong grasp of world affairs (at least, the ones our media deem important), prefer to take solace in the world of amusing grammatical errors.

For example, this headline - "Worms infect more poor Americans than thought". While it is true that, anecdotally, I'm sure there are many Americans - not necessarily poor - who are not infected by thought, I don't think worms have already surpassed thought in the average American.

--Ryan

(I wasn't planning on blogging, but I couldn't let that go by without comment.)

2K8

Notice my title is one character shorter then the expected minimum number of characters to express the topic. I like to think in those terms, 'cause in the nineties, abbreviations were the wave of the future. Now it is the future, and we don't need to save space in hex Unicode characters or whatever; external hard drives are only fifty cents per gig! But it's not futuristic if it isn't shorter then necessary!


First off, may I be the first to say Happy New Year 2008! (I may very well be the first to say it... I am, after all, nearly a week early.

I'll keep this brief. Here's my New Year's Resolutions:

1. Every day, I will go out of my way to do at least one thing that makes me physically stronger.
2. Every day, I will learn something that makes me mentally and morally stronger.
3. Every week, I will have something creative constructed to show for my efforts throughout that week.
4. Every month, I will eat something I believe to be allergic to - just to see if I really am or not.
   

Sound good? Maybe I'll specify some clearer guidlines. (For example, I must go out of my way to be physically stronger. i.e., I must do something I otherwise would not have done!)

Well, we'll see how this plays out.

I can only expect, awesomely?

--
Dan

Three random thoughts; see how they run

1) The gift-giving aspect of Christmas was very good to me this year (the religious aspect loses a little bit of power when you're stuck in a room next to the chapel, listening to the service over a PA system). In addition a few good books and a ridiculous amount of boxer shorts (on the plus side, I can probably put off laundry another week) I was given the board game Apples to Apples (pictured on the right).

I asked for the game solely because I remember playing it once in high school, and really liking it. The mechanics are fairly straightforward - the cards in your hands each contain different nouns, you pick one to go with a given adjective, the dealer picks the one of those they like best, that player keeps the adjective card, your goal is to get as many of those as possible. It's a great party game, and I've already learned that it transcends generational boundaries (having played this with people anywhere from pre-teen to mid-forties).

2) The...well, whoever it is that makes these decisions, have chosen this year's Super Bowl halftime act - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. I really, really, like this choice - mainly because I really, really, like Tom Petty's music. I read a comment from somebody that "everybody likes at least one Tom Petty song...they just don't always realize it's his." While that's obviously an overexaggeration, it's probably not too far off the truth. I now have a reason to watch the Super Bowl.

3) Since I added a hit counter to the page, we've gotten exactly 300 hits. I find this astounding, especially considering that I keep explicitly telling people *not* to read this. However, because it's 300, I think I'm supposed to say something along the lines of "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAA?" or one of the other quotes from the movie 300 that populated the Internet when the movie first came out? Apologies for not having a better grasp of this joke, I haven't seen a real movie in a theatre in over a year.

--Ryan

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

As I'm busy with Christmas-related events, and Dan is busy with whatever it is he does, this blog hasn't been updated in nearly a week. I've got a couple ideas for things I'd like to put up, but there's no guarantees I'll have the time until at least mid-week.

So until then, accept this placeholder and have a merry Christmas.

--Ryan

What's your sense of humour?

I don't usually pay much attention to online quizzes, but this one seems to actually work.

The 3-Variable Funny Test - it asks you a bunch of questions about what you find funny, and then gives you some results. Here's mine, if you're interested...

Your Score: the Prankster(33% dark, 34% spontaneous, 10% vulgar)


your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT


Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You're not pretentious, but you're not into what some would call 'low humor' either. You'll laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something clever to something moist.

You probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it's highly likely you've tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways, yours is the most entertaining type of humor because it's smart without being mean-spirited.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O'Brian - Ashton Kutcher

Nice time-waster for the post-exam period, anyhow.

--Ryan

You've blown it again, dumb-dumb!

Well, I tried my hand at comic-tearing again. Unfortunately, my comic came out in tears.

I've tried stick-men before, but never have I scanned them in. In the end, it just ended up too busy. Judge for yourself:



The only thing good about this comic is the joke... Yep, I'm damned proud of the humour in that.

(Ryan came up with it.)


--
Dan

Have berries, will travel

I wasn't planning on blogging today, but I didn't want to forget about that oh-so-awesome play on words you see in the title.

You may have never heard of the Travelling Wilburys as a group, but you've certainly heard of their members. From left to right, George Harrison (he was a Beatle, you know), Jeff Lynne (lead singer/songwriter of Electric Light Orchestra), Tom Petty (without the Heartbreakers), Roy Orbison ('Pretty Woman', 'Only the Lonely', and a lot of stuff that wasn't so commercially successful), and Bob Dylan (if you've ever heard music where the singer can't sing, it was probably him).

The story behind the Wilburys' formation - at least, the story I've heard - is that these five recording artists were sitting around, brainstorming a new song for Harrison. Harrison spied some boxes marked 'handle with care', and came up with the lyrics 'been beat up and battered around'. As everybody else contributed lines, they quickly realized this was too good for its intended purpose, and formed a band around it. (Youtube of 'Handle With Care' here).

Roy Orbison passed away while work was still being done on The Travelling Wilburys Volume 1, his part in the music video for End of the Line was taken by a rocking chair and a guitar.

Two years later, in 1990, the surviving four Wilburys reunited and released another album - The Travelling Wilburys Volume 3 (no, that's not a typo). Although Volume 3 didn't have any hits on the level of Volume 1, there were still solid tracks such as She's My Baby and Wilbury Twist.

So yeah, good band that for some reason, a lot of people have never heard of. What I like about them is that they were all already rich by this point...they were just making music for the fun of it.

--Ryan

My Dialog Box is Too Small

So I've been going through and reading the alternate texts behind every xkcd and Doctor McNinja. (Don't ask why; just assume it's an obsessive-compulsive thing.) Eventually, I decided it was a nuisance to have to stretch out the Element Properties dialog box, and went to Google for help.

It told me about Stylish (for firefox), that allows scripts for such matters. I made the default Element Properties box wider with this script (as copied from lifehacker.com):

@namespace url(http://www.mozilla.org/keymaster/gatekeeper/there.is.only.xul);
window#metadata { width: 60em !important; }

So, problem solved. If one other person in the world ever thinks it's worth searching for a solution (and in all likelihood, I doubt it), then you're welcome!

--
Dan Phillips

Nursery rhymes, to the best of my understanding

There was an only lady who lived in a shoe.
I don't know why she lived in a shoe.
Perhaps you do?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Humpty Dumpty wasn't very humpty, was he?

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to be.

--Ryan

My Artistic Ability

I've never been able to draw. These past two days, I've proven that quite well I think. Instead of working on strips of comics, I've been drawing single images of whatever pops in my head. What with my head being so empty more often than not, this leaves for something to be desired.

Ryan forces a few laughs for my benefit... But most of my images turn out slightly profane. For example, you can imagine what would be pictured with a caption of "I can't be a zombie... Zombie's don't get erections!"

One of the earlier ones, which I still kind of like, is a picture of me and my lady-friend. Scribbled all around us are little notes about how I screwed up drawing her. (It's absolutely atrocious!) The picture is poor, but those notes... I love 'em!

And so I've moved on to pictures of meerkats that turned out looking like alligators. Then the word 'alligator' is stricken out and replaced with 'crocodile' with a brief explanation about the differences between them. And, as an afterthought, about what characteristics separate meerkats and crocodiles.

While I'm at it, I should mention that I started writing my book. Perhaps I'll tell some details later, but in the mean time it's on the D.L.

--
Dan Phillips

What's in a meal?

(I'm back! And if you can't tell from this post, I'm still very much in the essay-writing mindset!)

A question which has posed itself...well, twice since Friday, still more than usual. What exactly is the difference between breakfast and brunch?

The first point here, at least the first to come to my mind, is time of day. If it's nine AM, it's breakfast - even if you're eating bacon and eggs. I would ordinarily say brunch can't start until 11:00 AM, but I can push it back to 10:00 AM if I'm in a charitable mood.

Of course, brunch isn't just based on time of day - if you're eating a bowl of cereal at noon (a traditional brunch time), it's still breakfast. 'Brunch' implies that you are getting a full meal, and while a bowl of cereal might be able to fill you (as it does me) enough for both breakfast and lunch, it doesn't really count. Brunch is something special, something out of the ordinary.

Can brunch be had in the confines of your own home? Absolutely! However, I believe that the standards for brunch are higher at home than at a restaurant - while you can go to a restaurant at 11:30, and just about anything on their menu (at least anything that isn't listed under 'on the side' or a similar category) qualifies as brunch, some dishes ('two eggs and toast') would, if eaten at home, be no more than a big breakfast.

This leads me to yet another (NB: see? essay-writing mindest!) major difference between breakfast and brunch. With a breakfast, you are expected to eat everything on your plate/in your bowl, and to not say anything along the lines of "wow, that was a lot of food!". Breakfast is enough to get your day off to a good start, and quench your hunger, but not enough that you won't be able to eat lunch in a couple of hours. Brunch is more sinister, it has no such qualms about tempting you with foodstuff after foodstuff, until you realize that you probably won't be able to eat another bite until dinner - and even then, it better not be a big dinner.

For some reason, people don't seem to have the same problem differentiating between brunch and lunch. Whatever the difference is, we seem to have an innate understanding of it. The only theory I've been able to come up with is the food - if it somehow involves eggs, syrup, or a member of the "pancakes/waffles/crepes" trinity...it's brunch. Otherwise, it's lunch.

But that's just what I think. So tell me - am I wrong? Can there be some circumstance in which a bowl of cereal, eaten at 9 AM, qualifies as brunch? Have I overlooked some criteria? Over-emphasized another? Am I completely out to lunch of the difference between brunch and lunch? What will become of Jack's shocking revelation? Will Bill finally win Sally over once and for all? And what of Marlene's drinking problem - will Derek spill the beans?

--Ryan

My Weekend

Here's my computer's status, as of the past two days:

Day One (Morning)

• After accidentally bidding on a MacBook, I gave it some thought and decided my computer is in excellent working condition; it's simply not portable, but I can easily live at my desk.
• I was quickly outbid, and dropped the idea of a new computer

Day One (Evening)

• My computer was acting sluggish from days of use without a restart. When it finally crashed, I held down the power button and went to bed.

Day Two (Morning)

• I try booting up my computer. It simply refuses to work. Since I don't need anything too bothersome on it, I try booting Knoppix (Linux on CD). This doesn't work either. I give up and go to class.

Day Two (Evening)

• I boot my computer and leave the room, forgetting that it will not actually boot. After some time, it came up with the message that a critical Windows kernal file was corrupt.
  
• Since it's a Window's kernal file that stopped my computer from operating, I thought to myself, why wouldn't Knoppix work? I try some twenty times or so, and at one point somewhere in the middle it works. Crashes. And doesn't work again.
• I try to make a DOS boot disc. At this point, I imagine the HHGG game with Dice replacing tea.
  USER: Put down Dice
  >>>: You pick up NO DICE!

Day Two (Night)

• Alright, I decide. It's time to reformat. It's pretty obvious I can't recover drive C:, but I'll be damned if I lose season thirteen of Doctor Who off of my D drive!
• I insert an ACER Recovery disc. It ejects itself.
• I insert another ACER Recovery disc. It ejects itself.
• I try every disc I own. As it would turn out, only ACER brand discs are rejected. Well, shit.
  
• I try Knoppix again. It works! Of course, it crashes soon thereafter, but every time I boot it from this point on it works. I get my roommate to download the newest version in hopes that it would work with my wireless card.
• I mindlessly decide, while reading a book, to flick the recovery CD in my drive every time it shoots it back out. In the back of my head, this ping-pong game goes on for about ten minutes. Ping. Pong. Ping. Pong. Ping. Pong. Ping. flick flick.... Wait... where's Pong?
• I look under my desk, thinking I lost the CD. Then I realize that it is in the drive, and hit eject to confirm. Oops!
• After a good deal of time flicking in ACER CDs, my computer is reformatted. I go to bed.

Day Three (Morning)

• My roommate wakes me with the new Knoppix CD. I tell him I hope I don't need it, but I'd like it anyway. Thanks!
• I start my computer and begin the long process of putting software on it. Corrupt files and incomplete packets, left right and center! It crashes in a way I've never seen before: The screen turns bright and nothing works.
• One of the main errors is some files on drive D:, so I decide to delete everything off of there. I just lost everything else, why not that?
• Shit. There goes Doctor Who!
• I install Firefox and Google Talk and try to get those stupid Live Updates from Microsoft. It crashes halfway through Live Updates.
• I restart a bunch of times 'till it finally comes up. I cannot get Microsoft Updates of any sort now. Corrupt errors bombard my screen, including one about Google Talk, but it's still working so whatever.
• Computer crashes again. Screw this, I'm going to eat!

Day Three (Afternoon)

• Crash after crash, I get fed up and try the new Knoppix. Not recognized as a boot disc. I probably did something wrong, but that sucks. Oh well, back to a half working Windows.
• It seems to only crash when I leave it idle for (literally) thirty seconds. What if I play some music? The WMP9.0 is a jerk for a while, but eventually it plays the Sample Beethoven that comes on XP by default. I set that to loop.
• Eventually, that got old. I successfully switch to a mix albums DVD I burnt a few weeks ago of all the music I find overplayed. Not much better. Whatever.

Day Three (Evening)

• What happened on Day One again? Ah, yes: I "decided my computer is in excellent working condition"
• Screw it, I'm getting that Mac.
  

There!

It took some six to eight months to get around to it, but I've picked my courses.

Just thought I'd share that.

Damnit.

Fear and Loathing at McDonald's

I guess Ryan will be on hiatus for a bit, so bad news folks: you're stuck with me! (Ah, ha ha ha!)

So, for no other reason than to entertain you, dear reader, I thought I'd tell you one of my little annoying stories that I tell to make conversation. Perhaps I should be using this type of thing in my futile attempt to make a comic. But anyway...

So I was at McDonald's for a quick bite. I'm a cheap guy, so I never order any fancy custom sandwich deal-meal or what-have-you, and I just wanted to order a burger. Apparently this doesn't happen often. The conversation went like this:

McD's Guy: How can I help you today?
Me: I could go for a burger!
McD's Guy: No meal today, sir?
Me: No thanks. How much do I owe you?
McD's Guy: That depends... What kind of burger do you want? A Big Mac? A Quarter Pounder?
Me: Just a burger, thanks.
McD's Guy: So just a hamburger then?
(At this point I actually got frustrated with the employee. I may have raised my voice, in hopes that a nearby manager would take action with this new guy.)
Me: No, I don't want a HAM burger! I want a plain, simple, BEEF burger. To go. Thanks.
(I slam my change on the table, and quickly sit down to emphasize my frustration.)

And that's my story. I don't blame the guy now... it's happened a few times now. Apparently, despite what that little tissue-paper wrapping around the burger says, it is not made with "100% Beef". Either that, or they have a serious problem in training their staff.

Anyway, that's my vent.

Danny P out.

Nothing to see here

Yeah, I haven't posted anything since Saturday. And to be honest, it'll probably be close to a week before I make any post (aside from this one). I knew I was going to have a take-home exam to do this week, I had no idea it would be fourteen pages. So between that and real exams, blogging's not all that high on my list of priorities at the moment.

-Ryan

Why You Hate Me

There are a lot of reasons for a lot of people to hate me. I sat back and thought about it a few days ago, and a few of them are actually justified. Pat would've just hopped a bus and went home if I didn't follow him that night; he would've slept in a bed instead of making a drunken show of self abuse for my benefit while I tried to settle him down. I'd tell a few more musings, but that's actually not what I'm here to write. Instead, this is why a good deal of people started to hate me as of about 2:30a.m.:

I just bought a Mac.

Oops! I accidentlly clicked "Bid" on eBay, and I'm (probably going to be) the proud owner of a brand new (insert specs here) iBook. I don't know how many ram units in Mac convert over to PC and such, but I'm told there's a difference.

You know what? This is probably a great thing. My old laptop is cracked at the hinges and I can't safely close it, so effectively I've been using a desktop for the past few weeks.

Now, I'll have an iBook for portability: I can bring that to Williams when I want to get some work done. And I can't get off course from real work, 'cause it's a low-end machine that probably can't do too much anyway. Not that I'd know how to...


Well, the bid ends on the 5th... So I'm sure I'll let you know how this pans out.

Wish me luck?

I mean, Wish me luck!

--Dan Phillips

P.S.: I'm not going to lie, I almost bid on one of those little french sideways floppy hats... But I didn't!

Random Saturday night musings...

None of these are worth stretching out into a full post

-There's now a stop sign at the end of my street (in Kitchener). This isn't that surprising - it's a court, to the right is another court, the left gets you out. However, it's rather jarring to see it there every time I drive past - a good twenty years or so this court has stood without it, there's never been a collision. Yet I've heard many people express surprise when they realized there was no stop sign. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

-Drove into a snowstorm yesterday. Couple that with the Environment Canada predictions released yesterday, and it's looking like a white Christmas. About time.

-'Rickrolling' is perhaps the dumbest Internet fad I've ever seen. For more information on 'rickrolling', click here.

-I'm serious about it being stupid though.

-Why don't I talk seriously about American politics? Maybe because they aren't serious? Let's face it, the Democratic candidate is going to be either Obama or Clinton, and there are plenty of people who would note vote for Obama because of his race, or not vote for Clinton because of her gender (in fact, the media seems to be hammering this point home by generally referring to her by first name only, has that ever happened to any other candidate?). So that leaves the Republicans to take control of the White House, and while there is actually a wide difference of ideology between the top Republican candidates, nobody seems to actually care about this (the debate on Wednesday night included such hard-hitting questions as 'Rudy Giuliani, why did you start rooting for the Red Sox?') - it all adds up to another four years under GOP rule. Enjoy.

-Unless I move out-of-province or some laws change, I won't have to taking another driving test for over sixty years. On the one hand, it's nice for me. On the other, a lot could happen in that time which could put me in a position where I shouldn't be driving. So now I'm a little worried about the system.

-xkcd is a webcomic I've recently discovered. While some of the jokes are too nerdy for even me to get (mainly computer programming-related ones, I'm clueless when it comes to that stuff), some of the other strips are great.

-Considering I have a low budget and limited cooking skills, I'm amazed I have yet to hardboil any eggs.

--Ryan

This really is a comic

Although it does contain an unusually high level of social commentary.

(click for full-size)

I almost got all the way through without noticing the popcorn.

--Ryan